I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Too much gin, very little bucket
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
