I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think my vagina is haunted
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
