Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
