We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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