i think my mom watched the whole time
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
