Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
