my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
