My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
