I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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