sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
