I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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