people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
