I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
