The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
love makes seman taste better
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We are two peas in an std pod
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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