you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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