What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
