I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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