if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
