Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Operation Purity has been aborted
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
