it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
