I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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