he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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