I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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