im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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