BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she peed on how many people?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
