i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
