Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
pray to the hookup gods
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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