so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
