for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
