I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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