I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
