is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
tell me about the fingering
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