That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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