Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
