so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would ride that face into the sunset
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
