so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
