You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
