Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
