I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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