It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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