I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
