you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
As shirtless as possible
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
