Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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