My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
