Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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