these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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