I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's not a walk of shame if you run
God, I missed his penis.
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