Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
