you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
