There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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