The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
