butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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