I need help removing her.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
