I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
