i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
