TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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