My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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